broken – Just me and my lonely mind.co.uk

145. I really shouldn’t write at night.

Last night I did one of those ‘blogging while not really conscious’ things again. Re-reading it this morning, I was just grateful that I did post it too. The post was called, I don’t think I’ll ever truly let anyone in ever again. It was about 11pm, I’d just gone to bed, I had putContinue reading “145. I really shouldn’t write at night.”

135. It really shouldn’t be this hard.

I currently feel like a swan on a fast flowing river heading towards really strong rapids. I’m paddling so hard under the water whilst trying to remain composed on top, but I can feel myself floating quickly towards the rapids and not knowing if I will sink or swim. It really shouldn’t be this hardContinue reading “135. It really shouldn’t be this hard.”

130. The pain of depression and trying to be strong.

It’s absolutely exhausting suffering from depression. Fighting against the overwhelming sadness that I have is exhausting. I don’t want to be strong anymore, I want to get better and that involves not being strong all the time. I’m just tired of feeling tired. Depression makes my mind overthink ALL the time so it is exhaustingContinue reading “130. The pain of depression and trying to be strong.”

127. Things I’d like you to know – Please read.

There are loads of things that I’d like you to know about having a mental health condition, especially depression. January is always one of the hardest months for me to get through and this year I feel 100 times worse than normal. Battling my mind every day is exhausting at the best of times, atContinue reading “127. Things I’d like you to know – Please read.”

119. Next week….

Next week I tackle another obstacle, I have an occupational health appointment on Tuesday. I have no idea what it’s going to involve or what they can do to help if they can help. I’m already overthinking it and what will happen. My head doesn’t think it can get through next week before it’s evenContinue reading “119. Next week….”

Protected: 116………….

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115. Loneliness hurts like hell.

Feeling so alone is such a hard place to be. Feeling like no one understands or even wants to start to understand the turmoil inside my head. Feeling broken in a way that can’t be described to others. Desperately needing to get better and to find the help I need but not knowing where thatContinue reading “115. Loneliness hurts like hell.”

Protected: A letter to you.

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110. Exhausted is an understatement. Completely burntout is more apt.

I don’t know how I’m still standing. I’m completely exhausted at the moment. I’m literally hanging by a thread. I don’t know what to do for the best. I don’t know whether to completely collapse or to keep on running. I am done. Trust me when I say I long to choose the complete collapseContinue reading “110. Exhausted is an understatement. Completely burntout is more apt.”

109. In the end it just all boils down to trust.

My trust is not something I hand out lightly. Trust is something that I think is the foundation of any relationship but is so easily lost. Trust for me in another person all boils down to attachment issues and my fear of losing even more people who I love in my life. Trusting anyone enoughContinue reading “109. In the end it just all boils down to trust.”

106. Sleep just doesn’t help.

Just feel so drained, broken and tired, yet can’t sleep, switch off or escape the pain. That is all.

105. One year on.

One year ago today, I wrote my first post, it took me 3 months to write the 2nd. I have written things that I would never have the courage to say in person, but I’ve kept so much hidden still. I have written about thoughts, feelings and emotions that I’ve felt, but I have soContinue reading “105. One year on.”