Last night I did one of those ‘blogging while not really conscious’ things again. Re-reading it this morning, I was just grateful that I did post it too. The post was called, I don’t think I’ll ever truly let anyone in ever again. It was about 11pm, I’d just gone to bed, I had putContinue reading “145. I really shouldn’t write at night.”
Category Archives: depression
141. Grief
They say that grief gets easier over time, I don’t know if that’s true but for me, it’s still as raw as day 1. For me, my grief journey had been really messy (and definitely didn’t follow the 5 stages I’d been promised). I’m not the person I was a few years ago, I waste moneyContinue reading “141. Grief”
139. The worse part of depression is the loneliness.
It’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted a blog publicly. It’s been a tough few weeks and some days have been really tough to get through. But I got through them and that’s all that matters. The last few months have taught me many things but most importantly, that things need to change.Continue reading “139. The worse part of depression is the loneliness.”
130. The pain of depression and trying to be strong.
It’s absolutely exhausting suffering from depression. Fighting against the overwhelming sadness that I have is exhausting. I don’t want to be strong anymore, I want to get better and that involves not being strong all the time. I’m just tired of feeling tired. Depression makes my mind overthink ALL the time so it is exhaustingContinue reading “130. The pain of depression and trying to be strong.”
127. Things I’d like you to know – Please read.
There are loads of things that I’d like you to know about having a mental health condition, especially depression. January is always one of the hardest months for me to get through and this year I feel 100 times worse than normal. Battling my mind every day is exhausting at the best of times, atContinue reading “127. Things I’d like you to know – Please read.”
125. The worse thing about depression.
Depression — one of the darkest places I have ever been in. It is hard to describe how it feels, but one way is that it feels like a dark cloud comes to settle over you. it often feels like a storm raging inside my head. The darkness is deep as I search for theContinue reading “125. The worse thing about depression.”
124. When numbness feels worse than sadness.
Feeling numb to everything feels worse than it does to feel sad. At least with sadness, there’s hope. With numbness there’s nothing, good or bad. It feels like I’m living in limbo, not going anywhere, not feeling anything and not wanting to go on. The numbness can’t be explained to others so there’s no pointContinue reading “124. When numbness feels worse than sadness.”
119. Next week….
Next week I tackle another obstacle, I have an occupational health appointment on Tuesday. I have no idea what it’s going to involve or what they can do to help if they can help. I’m already overthinking it and what will happen. My head doesn’t think it can get through next week before it’s evenContinue reading “119. Next week….”
115. Loneliness hurts like hell.
Feeling so alone is such a hard place to be. Feeling like no one understands or even wants to start to understand the turmoil inside my head. Feeling broken in a way that can’t be described to others. Desperately needing to get better and to find the help I need but not knowing where thatContinue reading “115. Loneliness hurts like hell.”
Protected: A letter to you.
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106. Sleep just doesn’t help.
Just feel so drained, broken and tired, yet can’t sleep, switch off or escape the pain. That is all.
Protected: 104. When you know things need to change.
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99. Struggling, lonely and numb.
I’ve been struggling for what seems an eternity. However, struggling is so hard to explain to those around me but it’s a quick universal answer. At least it’s a step on from the “I’m fine” response. Struggling is all of the below things but to me it’s mostly loneliness. Needing that one person to checkContinue reading “99. Struggling, lonely and numb.”
Protected: 98. A heavy head day.
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Protected: 97. A tired, cloudy Sunday morning.
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96. It’s ok not to be ok.
Today is world mental health day and for anyone suffering from any mental health condition, please remember that it’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to talk, it’s ok to take medication if you need it and it’s definitely ok to not be ok every day.
Protected: 93. Feeling broken but numb.
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Protected: 90. The lonely train runner.
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Protected: 89. Running on empty.
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Protected: 81. I’m off to find my train.
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Protected: 80. I’m just tired of being tired.
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Just me and my lonely mind.co.uk 