There’s a stranger looking back at me when I look into the mirror. It’s not someone I recognise anymore. Not only do I not know the face but the body isn’t one that I want to see either. Where has the old me gone?
Author Archives: Loneliness adhd and mental health
Protected: 113. What a month!
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Protected: A letter to you.
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112. How do I even try to fix the crack when it’s buried so deep.
I can’t even contemplate how I’m supposed to start repairing the deep canyon of a crack inside of me. All I know is that I need to work out how before I fall any deeper. Another layer of paint has been brushed over the despairingly deep crack this week by yet another drug. A solutionContinue reading “112. How do I even try to fix the crack when it’s buried so deep.”
111. I’m reaching out for the help to stop me running.
I think it’s obvious that I need to stop running but how can I stop. I know that I going to need help from those around me but I don’t know how to ask, what to ask for or how not to feeling like a burden. I know that when I finally stop, it’s goingContinue reading “111. I’m reaching out for the help to stop me running.”
110. Exhausted is an understatement. Completely burntout is more apt.
I don’t know how I’m still standing. I’m completely exhausted at the moment. I’m literally hanging by a thread. I don’t know what to do for the best. I don’t know whether to completely collapse or to keep on running. I am done. Trust me when I say I long to choose the complete collapseContinue reading “110. Exhausted is an understatement. Completely burntout is more apt.”
109. In the end it just all boils down to trust.
My trust is not something I hand out lightly. Trust is something that I think is the foundation of any relationship but is so easily lost. Trust for me in another person all boils down to attachment issues and my fear of losing even more people who I love in my life. Trusting anyone enoughContinue reading “109. In the end it just all boils down to trust.”
108. Decisions decisions!
What to do is quite possibly the best question at the moment. What to do? Put myself first that’s what I need to do. Period!
Protected: 107. Why do I bother?
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106. Sleep just doesn’t help.
Just feel so drained, broken and tired, yet can’t sleep, switch off or escape the pain. That is all.
105. One year on.
One year ago today, I wrote my first post, it took me 3 months to write the 2nd. I have written things that I would never have the courage to say in person, but I’ve kept so much hidden still. I have written about thoughts, feelings and emotions that I’ve felt, but I have soContinue reading “105. One year on.”
Protected: 104. When you know things need to change.
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103.3 Painful yawn
Today has been another tiring one. My body feels exhausted and my head and eyes feel so heavy. Spoke to doctors about the headaches and they said it’s normal but it feels far from normal. If anyone wants to remove the screwdriver from my forehead that would be lovely.
103.2 Day 2
Still very tired……….
103.1 Day 1
Day 1 of half term and I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of the headaches, I’m tired of running, I’m tired of trying to appear stronger than I really am and I’m tired of all the things listed here too. I’m just tired.
101 Emotional burnout!
http://www.youtube.com/watch When you wake up and don’t want to get out of bed and this pops up to watch.
100. 100 posts on and feeling worse.
Long, heartfelt, sad and painful jumbled post ahead. 100 posts written so far, most of them password protected or hidden from everyone, the same way I hide myself from others. 100 posts written and I’m feeling no better because I’ve not really shared with anyone how I truly feel. 100 posts, some have scared me,Continue reading “100. 100 posts on and feeling worse.”
99. Struggling, lonely and numb.
I’ve been struggling for what seems an eternity. However, struggling is so hard to explain to those around me but it’s a quick universal answer. At least it’s a step on from the “I’m fine” response. Struggling is all of the below things but to me it’s mostly loneliness. Needing that one person to checkContinue reading “99. Struggling, lonely and numb.”
Protected: 98. A heavy head day.
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Protected: 97. A tired, cloudy Sunday morning.
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96. It’s ok not to be ok.
Today is world mental health day and for anyone suffering from any mental health condition, please remember that it’s ok to ask for help, it’s ok to talk, it’s ok to take medication if you need it and it’s definitely ok to not be ok every day.
Protected: 95. The headaches return.
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Protected: 94. I’m off to my stand on my train track.
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Protected: 93. Feeling broken but numb.
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Protected: 92. I’m trying to run still but the train is near.
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91. Loneliness hurts like this.
http://www.instagram.com/p/CE_NQfOnPnzYIjCB8raYH_RL0CvN_4_VV2IR0c0/ Loneliness is the worse feeling.
Protected: 90. The lonely train runner.
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Protected: 89. Running on empty.
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Protected: 87. Papering over the cracks.
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Protected: 86. To ride once more or not.
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Just me and my lonely mind.co.uk 