138. Another year older.

I write this on the eve of my 45th birthday and birthday #2 in lockdown.

Birthdays are always hard for me, in fact I dread them. Another year older and another year of feeling so alone. It’s also another year of me having not fulfilled my dreams.

I wonder how long it will take me to cry tomorrow. Will I make it until 9am or not? I have warned those who are likely to see me tomorrow that I will no doubt be crying.

After Monday’s doctors appointment, the change of meds has brought about the return of my much loved headaches. Oh how I haven’t missed them. This weeks therapy session was also another tough one for me.

All that aside, tomorrow will definitely be filled with chocolate brownies, let’s hope that they can take away some of the sadness.