I currently feel like a swan on a fast flowing river heading towards really strong rapids. I’m paddling so hard under the water whilst trying to remain composed on top, but I can feel myself floating quickly towards the rapids and not knowing if I will sink or swim.
It really shouldn’t be this hard to be happy and to not feel so broken all of the time. I’m feeling so completely alone at the moment and I don’t know what to do.
I’m stuck in the middle of desperately wanting help from others but not wanting to disturb anyone. I’ve typed out messages to people and then deleted them because I am desperately trying not to need anyone to help me but knowing that deep down I do.
I don’t know how to describe the feeling to others, people have asked me this week how I am feeling and I just don’t know how to answer anymore. I said to someone yesterday that I feel like I’m desperately needing a massive cry, but I just can’t cry, I think I am so scared of breaking down because I’m not really sure I will will be able to stop. I also don’t to cry alone anymore, I want someone to sit with me but I know no one can, could, will or would.
Just me and my lonely mind.co.uk 