Next week I tackle another obstacle, I have an occupational health appointment on Tuesday. I have no idea what it’s going to involve or what they can do to help if they can help. I’m already overthinking it and what will happen.
My head doesn’t think it can get through next week before it’s even started. That is not a good way to feel on a Sunday evening is it.
Friday night I returned to my dark place, not knowing which way to turn and what to do for the best. Feeling broken again. It’s obviously a very fine line between what flips the day for me. Is that my trigger?, is that what sets me off on a downwards spiral?
The time of the day I struggle with most is definitely the evenings, that’s when I feel the loneliness and feel like I hit the lows. In the end on Friday I drank wine to try and help blot it out and I went to bed. Saying that though some mornings I open my eyes and know from that very second the day is not going to be a good one.
Sometimes I long to reach out to people, to just hear their voices when I need to, to receive a message checking in on me but I never do, I never reach out because I feel like I’m bothering them or that they’ll think I’m attention seeking. I never ask anyone to be there when I really need them. I need to be able to ask for help. I write out a message or a text and then delete it without sending it, they wouldn’t want to read it anyway so what’s the point in clicking send.
I long for a time when I am free from feeling like this. Is that even possible? When will that even happen?
Just me and my lonely mind.co.uk 