59. 3 years

It’s been a long 3 years.

Ironically this post number falls on the same number of my family home. The house in which both of my parents died.

I don’t even know where the last 3 years have gone. In a way it feels like an eternity and in equal measures, I remember it all like it was just last week.

The last few days of my dads life were beyond heartbreaking for me. I could see him rapidly going down hill, he had tried to end it by chucking himself out of bed a few days before he died but the carers had found him in time. He didn’t eat anything in the last 4 weeks of his life and watching him slowly waste away before my eyes was so hard to see. There had never been much to him physically when he was fit and well (Oh why didn’t I inherit his bone structure instead of my mums) but when I discovered that he only weighed 36kg when he was in hospital I was so devastated that he had become so frail. I didn’t even recognize the face that looked back at me from the bed, my dad was gone way before he went physically.

My dad was the person I spent most of my time with growing up. I’d help him in his garden, I’d wait eagerly at the front door for him to come home from work each night and I spent every weekend, all weekend with him visiting my Nan and the local working men’s club. He came from an era where love wasn’t freely given so although he may have never told me or showered me with love I know that he did deep down.

It’s sadly ironic that the last words that my dad heard before he died was that Faye says she loves you when I’d never heard him say the word love to me in my whole life.

As the anniversary approaches on the 4th, I’ll remember the man who would pose with a giant homegrown cucumber and a runner bean in his mouth and not the shell of a man that cancer destroyed.

Fly safe with the angels up there dad and know that I’ll always miss you. I’ll raise a glass to you of something you’d appreciate on Thursday. I know it’s going to be a tough one this year so be extra kind to me if you see me in person over the next few days. Make sure you have an air hug for me in your pocket.